Poking and Proding.

What is that feeling? It feels like a constant little poking in my side. Have you ever experienced it? This never ending finger jab in your back? It has been really getting to me lately and I can put a finger on what it is exactly. I know it is irritating the living crap out me. So much so that I sort of melted down today. This little annoying itch just will not leave me alone. I boiled over because of it. I lashed out. Not at anyone in particular. A friend called to chat and I just went off. I just vented on everything that had been stacking up on me. I didnt vent at him, I just used the connection as an avenue to get all this....crap..off my chest. Then later I ran into another friend and told him what happened. He said that the thing that was jabbing at me was ME. His thought was that I was being poked by something that I wanted to do or needed to do but had been brushing it aside or pretending that it didnt matter. He advised that I spent some time searching. I was flattened by his comment. I had never thought of that. Maybe he is right. No, I am sure he is right. As soon as he said it, the feeling went away. Not because I know what the thing is, but because I realized I need to look for it. Maybe a not followed dream or a habit I need to drop or an apology I need to make. Im already a little less annoyed. A little more at peace.

Dont Let it Get You Babe, Dont Let It Get to You

I think it was Tom Petty who said that. I suppose he sang that but I love to repeat it to myself on occasion. I have to admit that recently I have not done that enough.
Yes, I am guilty. I have let it get to me...babe. And how.
I have written blogs in the past to try to motivate others to do the best that they can. I suppose that the setting for my writing has most often been intended to be the workplace. Yeah, that is truly it. I like to focus on work. So much so that I have become ineffective at the work itself. I have recently become work consumed and it has caught up to me.
This week I found myself in a CT scan trying to find out what the crushing pain in my lower abdomen was. As I lay there hoping, wondering, praying and, true to form, worrying, I realized that maybe I have lost touch with what is really important. Life itself is what really matters.
It could be colon cancer, or simply constipation. It could be obstructed bowel or a kidney tumor. All of the "what ifs" entered my mind. Then I asked myself if I had done it right. Had I been living right? When I worry is it about the right thing? When I strive is it for the right thing?
I suppose that my answers are not yet clear to me. I will say this though. I am going to worry a little less. I cant, in fact, WE cant live our lives knocking ourselves out and fretting and worrying over every little aspect of our work lives. While it is important, it is not everything.
I commit to realize the things that I can influence and work on those things only. I will let the other stuff go. I will take time to relax and not feel quilty about it.
Please do the same. Things can change so quickly my friends. Quickly indeed.